Promoting a Biblical View of Single Womanhood

Given the biblical centrality of marriage and family, it’s worth pointing out that the purpose of this article is not to glorify singleness in a way that fails to recognize the high calling of marriage. Rather, the goal is to flesh out how God’s Word offers singles (women in particular) a more positive outlook than the “airport view” implies.

Because God ordained marriage at creation, commanded humans to be fruitful and multiply, and established the family as society’s core discipleship unit, churches rightly emphasize marriage.1 But in their well-placed enthusiasm for marriage, could some churches unintentionally promote an unbiblical view of singleness?

One view that sometimes surfaces in Christian circles sees marriage not only as “very good” (Genesis 1:31) but also as absolutely essential for “real” life—and especially—for “real” womanhood. From this perspective, being single in today’s stormy climate is little better than waiting in an airport terminal, watching for an indefinitely weather-delayed flight. If a Christian woman’s “plane” arrives, she can finally start her journey, soar through the skies, and reach her God-given destination. But if the flight is canceled, she’ll grow old and die in line.

An “airport view” of single womanhood can lead young ladies to believe they ought to put their lives on hold and just wait, staying frozen in place until their future husbands arrive. If those future husbands never appear, young ladies may believe they’ve missed out on God’s intentions for them as women.

But the truth for single women is way better! What if churches, by promoting a more biblical view of singleness, could unlock untapped benefits for the kingdom of God?

To find out, let’s start by examining why biblical teaching about singleness matters. Then, we can investigate how the big picture of God’s Word depicts womanhood and singleness, to find a more biblical analogy than the “airport view.” Finally, we’ll look at several practical ways that churches can promote a biblical view of singleness.

Why a Biblical View of Singleness Matters

Teaching a biblical view of singleness will prove increasingly important, for multiple reasons. First, today’s cultural climate may require a mentality shift among churches. In previous generations, Christians could perhaps expect to get married by default, remaining open to singleness should God so lead. Sadly, statistical numbers of godly young people are declining, so many Christians today may need to prepare to stay single, while, of course, being pleased to marry should God so lead.2

Biblical marriage, biblical family, and biblical singleness are all under attack.

Second, today’s increasing confusion about sexuality may translate to a greater need for churches to equip more people to thrive as godly singles. Biblical marriage, biblical family, and biblical singleness are all under attack. Part of defending the family entails discipling people to live faithfully in whichever of those biblical statuses God has placed them.

Third, it’s no secret that secular movements strategically recruit young people as activists for unbiblical causes. Young people, including women, want to make a difference in the world and be part of something bigger than themselves. If churches don’t disciple young women to mobilize their giftings for kingdom purposes (which might not end up including marriage), then secularists have a thousand ways to tap into young women’s potential instead—although a lack of church support doesn’t absolve a Christian individual from serving the Lord faithfully and wisely choosing any other places she spends her time and effort.

Fourth, a lack of biblical teaching about singleness sells churches and congregants short. The “airport view” of singleness causes young people to miss out on the adventure that single life for God can be. This view also causes churches to miss out on the fruits of that adventure.

Churches can help respond to all these issues by promoting a biblical view of singleness—and of single womanhood. To see what this biblical view entails, let’s first examine God’s Word to check whether the “airport view” really flies.

Is the “Airport View” Biblical?

Does the Bible support the idea that all young women should hunker down, put life on pause, and wait for husbands? Certainly, God’s Word shows that a young married woman’s most significant ministry sphere is her family. For instance, Titus 2:3–5 encourages older women to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Similarly, the Apostle Paul told Timothy, “I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.”3 Paul also lists child-raising as one of several “good works” characteristic of godly widows.4

These passages clearly highlight the importance of wifehood and motherhood—especially for young women who are (or were) already married. But do these passages imply that the Apostle Paul—or the wider canon of Scripture—endorses an “airport” view of singleness? To find out, let’s start at the beginning.

A Genesis Perspective of Womanhood

Scripture’s first reference to women appears in Genesis 1:26, where God created humanity in his own image, “male and female.” Genesis 2:18–24 records in detail how God created Eve, “the mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20), recognizing that “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”5

At this point, we might wonder, “A helper to help him with what?” We can glimpse the answer by turning back to Genesis 1:26–27. These verses reveal that God created humans “in his image” to “be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion” over earth. Many theologians take this “dominion mandate” to suggest that God created humans as his “vice regents” on earth. In other words, Adam, Eve, and their descendants were to represent God’s loving authority as they ruled, stewarded, and cultivated the world under God’s sovereignty. In these ways, the historical garden of Eden served as a picture of the kingdom of God, looking forward to the new creation where God’s people “will reign on the earth” under Jesus’ authority (Revelation 5:10).6

We might say, then, that part of Eve’s role was to help Adam further build the kingdom of God. God had not designed Adam to take on this task single-handedly. Beyond the fact that Adam couldn’t “be fruitful and multiply” solo, God’s image bearers are inherently relational beings, and “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Correspondingly, God’s kingdom is meant to be a place of community, reflected by the nation of Israel in the Old Testament and the church in the New Testament.

God designed women not only to be wives and mothers, but also—more broadly—to build community and help others in ways that advance God’s kingdom.

These Genesis truths point toward a few generalizations we can draw about womanhood. God designed women not only to be wives and mothers, but also—more broadly—to build community and help others in ways that advance God’s kingdom. Like Eve, any woman can make the world a better place by being a relational, synergistic, helpful presence to others while living for a kingdom purpose. Although no woman (except perhaps Eve) spends her entire life married, indefinite seasons of singleness do not entail indefinite seasons of unhelpfulness or unfruitfulness in the kingdom of God.

The Bible’s Big Picture of Womanhood and Singleness

Reflecting these truths, later Scriptures depict women fulfilling their God-given purposes in every season, whether single, married, or widowed. Rachel, while single, helped her family as a shepherdess (Genesis 29:6). The prophetess Deborah, while married, helped her nation as the judge whom God raised up for that chapter of Israel’s history.7 Ruth, while widowed, helped her mother-in-law by working outdoors to provide for their sustenance after their husbands had died.8

In the New Testament, we find Anna, a widowed prophetess, advancing God’s kingdom by declaring the good news of the Messiah “to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:38). Journeying to the well in Samaria, we meet a Samaritan woman who, upon encountering Jesus, introduced her entire village to him (John 4:7–42). Later, we see Mary and Martha—who lived with their brother and are not recorded in Scripture as having husbands—showering Jesus with hospitality (and, in Mary’s case, with expensive perfume).9

Let’s also not forget the early church women like Dorcas, Priscilla, and Phoebe. Dorcas’ marital status didn’t make biblical history. But Scripture does depict Dorcas as “a disciple” who was “full of good works and acts of charity,” which left an evident imprint on those around her (Acts 9:36–39). Priscilla too advanced God’s kingdom with her husband Aquilla. Together, Aquilla and Priscilla offered hospitality to others, taught biblical truth to a man named Apollos, and even traveled with the Apostle Paul (Acts 18:2–26). In Romans 16:3–4, Paul not only called both Aquilla and Pricilla his “fellow workers in Christ Jesus,” but also mentioned that they had “risked their necks” for Paul, to the church’s gratitude. In the preceding verses, Paul also commended to the Roman church “our sister Pheobe,” who was evidently traveling from the church in Cenchreae, Greece.

So far, we have a big picture of Scripture that positively depicts women across all seasons of life engaged in all kinds of kingdom-building activities—traveling internationally between churches, taking risks for ministry, sharing the good news of Jesus, serving their communities, helping God’s people, and, yes, caring for their families. Marriage and family represent an important sphere of kingdom-building activities for women, whose created nature is, in many ways, oriented toward motherhood. But earthly marriage and parenting are not the ultimate goods of a fulfilled human life; God is the ultimate good for whom we live, in every life stage. Nor are marriage and parenting the only means to live out God’s designs for womanhood.

Just ask the Apostle Paul. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul repeatedly refers to singleness in positive terms, though he acknowledges that singleness can be difficult and that to marry is better than to sin.10 For instance, he wrote in verse 8, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” He warned that “those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that” (v. 28). Later, he observed, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is” (vv. 39–40). In between, Paul elaborated,

I want you to be free from anxieties. . . . [The] unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.11

Happiness, freedom from anxieties, undivided devotion to the Lord—none of this sounds like an “airport terminal” kind of life. Biblically, singleness is not a holding zone for awaiting the “real world” of marriage. Instead, singleness and marriage are more like two different (and potentially intersecting12) highways for pursuing the adventure of life with God.

Both these highways have their own advantages. On the singleness highway, women can learn to rely more fully on God as their ultimate Protector, Companion, and Provider. They can follow him to places where other highways don’t readily lead. And they can freely give themselves to a vast variety of endeavors to be community contributors who help others in ways that advance God’s kingdom.

From the Airport to the Highway

How can churches promote a healthier, more biblical view of singleness? Here are a few ideas. (Note that many of these will be helpful for single men in the church as well, although some specialized applications are beyond the scope of this article.)

• Recognize the need for another kind of discipleship.

  Since it is becoming more likely that young Christians cannot necessarily expect to marry by default, churches must do more to prepare young people for either highway. (For suggestions of what this discipleship might involve, keep reading!)

• Help young people understand what a fulfilled, successful life looks like.

  Successfulness doesn’t hinge on romance. It hinges on faithfulness. Churches can promote this truth by encouraging Christians to prioritize walking with God in every season, faithfully doing whatever task he’s currently set before them. Incidentally, this faithfulness will help shape people into becoming great future spouses if that’s what God has in store. And if not, each person’s years of faithful singleness will culminate in a life spent serving God, glorifying him, and loving others—which is a life of human fulfillment.

• Help people base their identities on the right foundation.

  As Christians, the relationship that primarily defines us is our union with Jesus. Christ is our life (Colossians 3:4). Churches can disciple congregants to ultimately ground their identities not in their current relationship statuses as single or married, but in the fact that they belong to Jesus.

• Promote a biblical view of singleness.

  Singleness is not a second-class, incomplete human mode of life—otherwise, we’d have to say that Jesus spent his time on earth in a second-class, incomplete human state. Biblically, singleness is instead an unparalleled opportunity that every Christian, at some point in life, will have—to grow, to lean on God, and to serve Jesus wherever he has called them now.

• Remind single Christ-followers that they’re not missing out on God’s best for them.

  An “airport view” can lead single people to believe that unless they marry, they’re missing out on the life for which they were created. But the liberating truth is that, so long as single people are walking with God and following his leading, they’re not missing out on anything that God sovereignly knows is currently right for them.

• Share inspiring stories of godly single Christians.

  Amy Carmichael, Gladys Aylward, Mary Slessor, Hannah More, and Corrie ten Boom are just a few of the women God used to impact history while—and sometimes, because—they were single. Such stories offer fortifying encouragement to single women of God today.

• Help single people discover, develop, and apply their God-given interests and talents to benefit the kingdom of God.

  Churches can serve single people and God’s kingdom at the same time this way. Some people’s interests and talents—from playing music to painting murals to cooking cuisine—translate readily into serving at church. But pastors and fellow congregants can also support single people to advance God’s kingdom outside the immediate church setting.

• Foster Christian community connections.

  Churches meet a vital need by creating opportunities for single Christians to build meaningful connections with others (and not just with other single people). Initiatives designed to encourage intergenerational mentorship can especially help young people step into their callings on whatever “highway” God has for them.

• Encourage “roots and wings.”

  Maybe you’ve heard the parenting adage that kids need both “roots” and “wings.” Churches can disciple single young people with roots and wings as well. The roots come from developing strong spiritual, intellectual, and interpersonal foundations grounded in an uncompromising commitment to God’s Word. The wings come when churches and families commend young people to follow God’s leading wherever he calls them—even to faraway places—like Paul commended Pheobe to the church in Rome.

Summing Up:

By teaching a biblical view of single womanhood, churches can help women seize the opportunities which the highway of singleness presents, to the glory of God.

In the end, the big picture of Scripture invites single women to a life with God that looks far different from an “airport view” of singleness. Rather than relegating single women to a holding zone of indefinitely waiting for life to begin, God’s Word summons women to live faithfully for kingdom purposes in every season—on whatever “highway” he has them. By teaching a biblical view of single womanhood, churches can help women seize the opportunities which the highway of singleness presents, to the glory of God.