Motherhood Is a Joy

This observation from a door-to-door Jehovah’s Witness evangelist made me smile for three reasons:

1. I don’t consider four children a big family. I have 14 siblings—that’s a big family!
2. In that moment, I was not overwhelmed by my children, but he was just seeing a snapshot of my life. There are certainly times when I feel overwhelmed!
3. He was right about one thing—I really do genuinely enjoy my “big” family. Being a mom to my four little ones is the greatest blessing God has given me apart from my wonderful husband, Trevor, and salvation through Christ.

Parenthood—and, from my perspective as a woman, motherhood specifically—is a joy and a gift from the Lord.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! (Psalm 127:3–5)

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

Older Moms Encouraging Younger Moms

I’ve only been a mom for just over seven years (my oldest is six and a half—but I start counting from when God first began knitting Winston together in my womb), so I asked several “older” moms I greatly respect to offer their thoughts on the joy of motherhood, through all its various stages, and here’s what they shared:

For the brand-new mom.

When you’re a brand-new mother, it’s very easy to be “big time” overwhelmed as you now have a little person you are totally in charge of. But with the Lord’s help, you can get through this stage! You can’t rely on your own strength, but you need to rely on the Lord for strength.

Many families in today’s culture raise their children in a child-centered way. The child cannot be the center of attention in the family, or you will be raising up children that become very self-centered. You need to have structure, love, and care for sure, but even babies need to learn to be flexible within the family.

Also, even with a brand-new little baby, make sure you start family devotions from day one! Kenny would show picture books from when they were very little and started a great routine for family devotions. —Mally Ham, mother of 5 with 46 years’ experience

In my parenting journey, I have experienced both great joy and great sorrow. I needed the Lord in both joy and sorrow. See, in joy, I tend to think “Man, I have this all together.” That is so wrong and so prideful. It was in great sorrow that I realized the joy of the Lord was my strength in both joy and sorrow.

Put into practice time with the Lord. Read your Bible, pray, and cry out to the Lord. There will be days that you just will not have time to be in the Word, but strive, strive hard to meet with the Lord so when you are in the hardest of hard, you can remember that the Lord is good and this trial is for your good and his glory. (And just enjoy being a new mom. It is OK if you don’t get the laundry or dishes done.) —Michelle Leineweber, mom of 5 with 16 years’ experience

For moms just starting out on their parenting journey, please don’t compare yourself to other moms. Our situations change DAILY, and the mom who seemingly has it all together today may be struggling tomorrow. Also consider that what you see in public is often not the norm at home. Know that you ARE enough, and as long as you are following the Lord’s leading and doing your best, it IS the best. —Jo Dee Ingalls, mother of 20 with 31 years’ experience

Today matters. Enjoy every moment with your husband in this new chapter of life as parents. Ask for help when you need it. Take time to embrace the new normal. It doesn’t always go the way we thought it might, so be okay with that. —Bonita Schuilenberg, mother of 4 with 32 years’ experience

For the mom with “littles.”

I have realized since I’ve gotten older that babies are sinful! Yes, babies are cute and adorable, but they come with a big sin nature and a very self-centered streak. Kids only think of themselves, and you have to train that out of them. You need to be training them to think of Jesus first, others second, and themselves last; to be kind, not hurtful, and not wanting their own way. The more you discipline and train them when they are little, the easier it will be when they are older. —Mally

Being a mom of a bunch of littles is very hard. One thing that we implemented was rest time—even setting aside just 30 minutes a day and saying, “You are going to play or rest quietly in your room.” This was just what I needed to recharge my very tired body. Also, make it a point to ask people to watch your kiddos so you and your hubby can reconnect on a date. Or put them to bed early and plan a date night at home. Another mom gave me the advice: let your littles help you. Let them clean, let them cook (yes, it will be messy, and yes, it will take ten times longer). Teach them when they are little because when they are older, they might not have the same eager desire to help you. —Michelle

A mom with several “littles” is a woman to be admired. She is going against the world and demonstrating the Lord’s blessing on her life and those around her precious family. It is also a time that can be exhausting, but this phase is so short. Children grow up quickly, and when they are trained to do what they can according to their ability, they will soon be capable of many tasks and become very responsible individuals. —Jo Dee

The more children you have, the less time you have for yourself and for your husband. Make time to be together. Develop a relationship with each child—this will build a foundation of love and trust. —Bonita

For the mom with teens.

Having kids is a time to train them up so they can become independent and responsible adults that stand on God’s Word.

If you train up children when they are little to follow God’s Word, have structure in their lives, and train and discipline them in a loving way, you will limit the many issues that most parents have with their teenagers today. Everything that you do in bringing up your children needs to be based on God’s Word. You need to be picky about friends, church, school, youth groups, and so on. When all these things match up at a foundational level that is steeped in God’s Word and much prayer, you are creating a very powerful environment to train up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Where you put your kids in school is one of the most important decisions a parent can make. You don’t want the “Philistines” to train up your children. When they are under your care, they are very impressionable, and it is such a crucial time to develop a biblical worldview. Having kids is a time to train them up so they can become independent and responsible adults that stand on God’s Word. Don’t let others that have the wrong foundation train up your kids for you. —Mally

I feel like I am pretty new to being a teenager mom. But so far, what I have learned is to listen to them. Ask questions (even buy a book about asking questions)! Ask them to run errands with you. They have big emotions, feelings, and opinions. They are learning what life means as they grow older. Be willing to answer their questions, and if you don’t have an answer, help them find one. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know. Let’s find the answer together.” —Michelle

For a long time, we had six or seven teenagers at one time. Be sincerely interested in your children’s lives—who are they with? what are their interests? what are their struggles? Pray without ceasing. Pray that they will stay strong in the face of temptation; that they will continue to develop a deep, personal relationship with Jesus; and that they would be convicted of any behavior not in line with Biblical teaching. Teenagers can be such a joy! —Jo Dee

This often is called the “dreaded time.” Don’t let it be, because it doesn’t have to be. They are still the same children, just bigger. Just keep the communication lines open. It’s a time of hormonal changes, so don’t take things personally and stay strong. Have fun! —Bonita

The Joy of Mothering

Each of these moms expressed the joy that it is to be a mother through all the ages and the stages because, no matter what the world tells you, it really is—or can be—a joy in Christ! So, what are their favorite parts of being a mom?

The relationship I have with my five beautiful children and seeing them grow from tiny babies to loving the Lord and living for him. The relationship with your children obviously looks different as they get older from when they’re younger, and my relationship now with my adult children is a huge blessing. —Mally

My mother-in-law offered some of the best advice I got as a new mom. She said, “You will enjoy every stage of life your kiddos are in.” Oh boy, has that been true. I have had the joy of homeschooling them, and the joy I receive by watching them grasp new concepts or learn how to read—wow. I love talking to them. I love watching the joy they get from a sport they love and the friends they have.

As I grow closer to being a mom where my kiddos are going to be leaving, I can’t help but rejoice in the Lord. These kiddos need Jesus just as much as you do. Speak Jesus—when you get up, when you are cleaning, when you are driving, when you are eating, as you put them to bed. —Michelle

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 4, KJV). Sometimes bringing up children is SO HARD, and often I have grieved that I have done a poor job, especially as the children are going through their older teen years when things can get tough. But when you start seeing your children live out the fruits of the Spirit of their own accord, or when their works reflect the Biblical teachings that we have tried to instill in them, it brings such a joy to my heart! Literally, joyful tears flow in torrents when we hear or see these things!

Unlike new moms just starting their mothering journey, I have the benefit of being able to reflect over many years and several children. Very honestly, having the children that God has blessed us with is the greatest accomplishment of my life, and the feeling of fulfillment and happiness that resonates with knowing that these children are gifts given to me is the greatest treasure. —Jo Dee

(Everything!) The relationships I have with each of my kids. —Bonita

Children: God’s “Sanctifying Sandpaper”

Part of the joy (though it might not always feel like a joy!) of parenting is how God uses the tiny people he’s given you like “sanctifying sandpaper” on your sin and to drive you to your knees in search of his wisdom (James 1:5; Proverbs 1:7). So how has God grown these “veteran” moms through their mothering journeys?

When Nathan was 17 months old and Renee, my second child, was 6 weeks old, Kenny went away for the weekend down to Sydney, and it freaked me out so much to stay at home by myself. A friend came over to help me, and we actually had a blast. But I realized that this would be the first of many trips for Kenny and that I needed to learn to do this without having someone hold my hand. I needed to trust in the Lord if he wanted me to do this and look after the kids and support the home life with Kenny being gone. Ever since that day (and even before), the Lord has looked after me and the family in so many ways. The verse I claimed was Psalm 4:8, “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Over the years, Kenny was gone for many weeks at a time (up to seven weeks), and the Lord has been with our family the whole way through, even in moving over to America. Forty-five years later, he’s still looking after me—what a blessing! —Mally

My children all have vastly different personalities. The first two were very easy kiddos, easy to parent and discipline. The third one, not so much. He started walking and jumping off things at 15 months old. He would challenge almost every parenting decision we would make with him. I learned to pray a lot. But what that taught me is how kind our God is to us. He grants forgiveness over and over and over again no matter what. I was very quick to anger with my son. But the Lord used that to show me how slow to anger he was. He loves me no matter what. —Michelle

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17, KJV). When I consider that the love I have for each of my children is indescribable, I think about how God gave me such perfect gifts. I did not deserve any of what he has given me. And even more than that, he gave his Son, whom he loves, to die a torturous death for me. I am so overwhelmed by his goodness. —Jo Dee

I have seen this through pictures and letters or cards from them. Most times their messages were so timely, I couldn’t miss that God was speaking into my life. —Bonita

Love Is...

With that attitude in mind, let us, as mothers and wives, seek to obey God’s call to us to serve him as we prioritize and joyfully serve our families first.

Our culture decries motherhood and homemaking as an occupation unworthy of a woman’s primary attention and time—she’s much better off, and much more “empowered,” earning her way and taking her place in the work force. But we shouldn’t take our cues from the culture. Rather, we must start our thinking in every area from the foundation of God’s Word, taking captive any thought that is not in obedience to Christ and making it so (2 Corinthians 10:5). And God’s Word says this about our call as believers, which can certainly be applied to the attitude we have toward our children and our homes:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4–7)

With that attitude in mind, let us, as mothers and wives, seek to obey God’s call to us to serve him as we prioritize and joyfully serve our families first.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3–5)