Same-Sex “Wedding” Invite: What Should I Do?

The wedding ceremony was for a close coworker when I worked at the public library and did not have a personal relationship with Christ. In fact, I was on the opposite pole of beliefs then compared to now. The lie that love is love had beguiled me, thinking that if a Christian is against same-sex marriage, it should not prevent others from getting married.

What Is Marriage?

God has shown me the error in my humanistic thinking. As he is the one who created marriage as the sacred union between man and woman, he is the only one who can define what a marriage is. And as in other cases, we find the origin of marriage in Genesis.

God created Eve to be Adam’s perfectly suitable companion, created in the image of God and complementary to him. Before God created her, he first showed Adam male and female pairs of animals for him to name, likely so that he would realize he alone was without a corresponding partner.

Regardless, our culture has twisted marriage by taking what God has deemed good and adding “same-sex” and “gay” before it. The relationship may superficially look the same and the feelings shared between the two may be similar to those shared between a husband and wife, but it is still against God’s plan and thus sin.

Besides, these feelings can never turn into a true loving relationship because God is the one who defines both love and sin. So, for a sinful relationship between two men or two women to become loving, God would have to contradict himself which is impossible.

By accepting these truths, the appropriate conclusion is for the Christian not to attend a gay “wedding” no matter how much one loves the person. Rather, because one loves the person and wishes to see them delivered from their sin, one should abstain from attending. A marriage ceremony is a celebration of the union so attending would be seen as recognizing it as a valid marriage and celebrating it.

Don’t Isolate Them

Initial shock sets in long before the wedding invitation comes, and it may be tempting to avoid the situation or cut yourself off from them. Our desire should be to steer our loved ones toward the truth, and this comes with an open line of communication. While your loved one is in a same-sex relationship, and even after they are “married,” it is important to keep them in your life.

Before coming to Christ, I came out to my mother, who is a Christian, and she told me that she would still love me but did not want to hear anything about it. Although my mother and I have a fantastic relationship today, it made me feel as though I did not have a safe space to express these feelings. Closing off that line of communication made it more difficult to talk about other areas in my life, even regarding questions about faith. When I began to seek God again, at first, I began attending a different church and would quickly close my Bible if she entered the room because I did not want to give any false hope if I fell away again. Today, I do attend and serve in the same body of Christ as my mother, yet there are still some topics I am more comfortable talking about with my pastor’s wife.

Perhaps if those conversations had remained open when those struggles first surfaced, I may have understood why they existed in the first place. From growing up in church, I understood what the Bible said about homosexuality being a sin, but I failed to connect that truth with my experience of having feelings for someone of the same sex. Now, I know that those feelings were a result of the fall. Adam’s sin has been passed down to me, corrupting my flesh and causing me to desire things that go against God’s good design.

But this does not mean you show acceptance of their lifestyle. Instead, you express your love and care for them by what the Word of God says. Share your concerns in a way that is clear you are not condemning them; rather, you are showing them that rejecting God’s Word on the matter is rebellion against their holy Creator and that they need to be reconciled to him (as you did too when you confessed your sins and received Christ’s righteousness!). This can be extended to your loved one’s partner as well.

An idea to foster these relationships is to invite them for coffee or lunch. After all, Jesus was asked why he ate with sinners, and he said that he came to call sinners to repentance (Luke 5:27–32). Your loved one will be more open to listening to what you have to say when there is a strong foundation to the relationship because they know that you do care. You can include them in activities such as a painting class or a sporting event and help them with everyday activities such as taking out the dog while they’re at work or bringing them a meal if they’re sick. Treat them as you would anyone living next door to you.

Eventually, they may confide in you about their problems, and you can share from God’s Word that these problems are a result of sin, which always comes with negative side effects for the person and those around them. Depending on the direction of the conversation, it may open an opportunity to share the gospel. By building this close relationship, they know you care and will likely listen. This route takes more time and may involve some uncomfortable conversations, but it is—in most cases—a good approach to sharing the gospel with those who have same-sex attractions.

Pray for Them

Praying for your loved one on a regular basis is the most important thing you can do. Matthew said that all power in heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus (28:18–19) and that we are commissioned to share the gospel. We do not have any power to change the choices that our loved one has made, but we can be instruments used by God to influence that change because he has that power.

Please understand that it is very possible for anyone to come to salvation, but it can take time. From my outright rebellion against God, it took me almost 10 years to accept Jesus as my Savior. Also, it is good to note that the end goal is not for your loved one to become straight. Even after accepting Christ, they may still struggle with same-sex attraction. What matters is that they place their desires at the altar and follow Christ above all else. Everyone has desires that are at odds with God’s loving design for us as our Creator, but we must acknowledge that as sin and repent, regardless of what the sin is.

When Rejection Comes

The world has confused love and approval as the same thing.

Your gay loved one may still send you an invitation as a formality, expecting you to decline it because of your identity as a Christian. The world has conjured up many negative stereotypes about Christians and how much they hate gay people. Your loved one may use this falsehood as an excuse to completely reject you and cut off all ties because they believe a relationship cannot exist when you do not accept their sexual orientation. It makes up a huge portion of who they claim to be. However, the world has confused love and approval as the same thing.

Once rejection comes, it is important to remember that you have no control over their actions and cannot make them reach out to you. But that does not make you helpless in this situation. You have the Almighty God and can go before his throne and ask that he will open those doors for you to build a relationship with your loved one. In return, keep your door open for when those opportunities do arise. Welcome your loved one as if no time has passed and shower them with the same mercy and love that Christ has shown you.

A friend of mine prayed that God would grant this very thing with her own daughter, and he gave them hours in the car to talk about deep topics. Her daughter did come to a church service on a Sunday morning. Even when it does not seem like anything is happening, God is still working in your loved one’s life. He loves them even more than you do and longs for them to come to him. Be patient and trust in God.

Firsthand Experience

This past year, I was invited to a same-sex “wedding” for someone I grew up with. Because the ceremony was scheduled for a Friday, I was able to tell him that I would be working and did not have the time to take off. While both were true and helped me avoid the immediate problem, it was not totally honest and would not be a long-term solution. How to handle this depends upon the person and situation, and you may have to prayerfully and lovingly tell them why you feel compelled not to attend. This may give you an opportunity to share the good news of God’s love and forgiveness then or later.

At a Christmas exchange later the same year, I pulled this person’s partner as my secret Santa. It became a time to see them and give good gifts of what he wanted. I could have avoided the gathering because they were there but that does not show Christlike love that can lead to repentance. Jesus was not afraid to visit sinners; he would go to where they were because they needed him most.

While a loved one engaging in homosexuality may not interpret it the same way, refusing to attend a gay “wedding” does demonstrate your love toward them, and you can further show your love by not avoiding them. Occasional get-togethers leave room to share the truth with them when they are willing to listen. And most importantly, keep them on your prayer list, bringing your deep concern for their heart to soften to your Lord and Savior. God can work a miraculous change in them as he did for me.