Perfectionism

When my sister first placed the overlay, my niece saw the imperfection of her letters and burst into tears. Though my sister assured her that no one expected her letters to be perfect, she expected perfection of herself and didn’t want to do a task at which she might fail.

The Pride in Perfectionism

My niece is a lot like me. The first time an adult called me a perfectionist, I swelled with pride. To my young mind, a perfectionist was someone who strived to be perfect. It felt good when people recognized my efforts and hard work.

But over the years, I came to dread a metaphorical transparent overlay that could reveal all my imperfections: the English department chair who observed my classroom, the writing teacher who critiqued my drafts, the manager who gave out quarterly performance reviews.

I still struggle with that dread today. It’s the plight of a perfectionist.

When you scratch the surface a bit, the inside of a perfectionist reveals a longing for acceptance, approval, and success—all achieved by the perfectionist’s own strivings and good works. I’ve come to learn that the root of perfectionism is pride—the deceptive sin of believing that we can be like God (Genesis 3:5).

The Perfect Definition

In psychology, perfectionism means demanding flawlessness in self or in others. In philosophy, it is the belief that perfection is attainable and is therefore the goal for humanity in any realm—social, political, religious, and moral.

At first glance, a high-achieving person or a Christian pursuing holiness might ask, “What’s wrong with trying to achieve perfection? Why settle for less?” Before sin entered the world, life in Eden was truly perfect. Isn’t perfectionism simply an attempt to reclaim those flawless conditions?

A Christian might use Scripture to defend perfectionism. After all, Jesus said to his disciples, “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). While many translations use the word perfect in Matthew 5:48 and other references, the biblical meaning is different from our modern understanding. In modern usage, perfect means flawless, no defects, no faults. But in the New Testament, perfect means complete or mature.

Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” (Matthew 19:21)

Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:28)

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:4)

The biblical concept of perfect begins with spiritual regeneration when a sinner repents of sin and turns to Jesus in faith. It continues through the process of sanctification as the Christian grows (matures) in his relationship with God and in his knowledge and understanding of God’s Word, through the power and work of the Holy Spirit. Perfection is a process of becoming, and it is impossible to achieve without humility—a total reliance on the Holy Spirit to do his good work in you and guide you into righteousness. The process of sanctification requires regular repentance as we fail—because we will fail—and joyful hope for our future in the new heavens and earth in our glorified bodies, when we can no longer sin against our holy God.

Our confidence comes not in present perfection, but in our future consummation with Christ. The Apostle Paul said, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). For something to be brought to completion, it must first be in a process. That process is sanctification.

The Fruits of Perfectionism

If you aren’t sure whether you’re trapped in perfectionism or growing in sanctification, look at the fruits of your life.

Fear. Perfectionists live in constant fear that others will see how truly flawed they are. Deep down, they don’t believe they can be loved or accepted if they aren’t perfect (1 Corinthians 4:1–5; 2 Corinthians 10:12).

Pride. Perfectionists tend to look down on others who don’t work as hard or as long as they do. They can become legalistic, believing that they’re earning God’s favor through their quest for perfection (1 Corinthians 4:7).

People-pleasing. Though they may not be conscious of it, they work for the praise of others (Proverbs 29:25).

Avoidance or procrastination. Unable to bear the idea of failing, perfectionists often avoid the work they might be unable to do well. They believe they must do the work right the first time, without asking for help (Proverbs 22:13).

Judgmental. Perfectionists can be highly judgmental of others. Because they know their own daily effort to be perfect, they often scoff at others who seem okay with a sloppy first draft or a project that the perfectionist would have done better. Inwardly, they are thanking God that they are not like that person (Luke 18:11).

Unforgiving. Because they struggle to forgive themselves for their own flaws and failures, some perfectionists fail to forgive others who’ve failed them. They may even punish the wrongdoer through silent treatment or shaming (Mark 11:25).

Endless striving. Perfectionists ultimately pursue holiness in their own strength. They have forgotten (or never learned) that it is God who works in them to do his will. They neglect to “cease striving” and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10 LSB).

The Fruits of Sanctification

Peace. When believers recognize their total dependence on the Holy Spirit, they recognize that there is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). While recognizing that they may sin, they cling to the faithfulness of the Savior who forgives all who confess their sins (1 John 1:9).

Humility. Rather than fearing that others will find out their flaws, humble believers spend time in regular repentance of their sin nature. Their shortcomings draw them closer to God in prayer and study of Scripture. Aware that their efforts might be flawed, they seek mentorship and instruction. They understand that mistakes are learning opportunities and not a marker of their worth, which comes by being an image bearer and child of God (1 Peter 5:5–7).

Grace. When believers understand their fallenness through Adam and their salvation through Jesus, they can live a lifestyle of grace. Grace forgives and loves quickly. It recognizes that all people sin and need repentance because no one is righteous but God (Romans 3:10).

Wisdom. When believers understand that we are living in a Genesis 3 world, they see the reality of the world and of themselves. They understand that they will never have the perfect life or the perfect self that they long for until Jesus returns and makes all things new (2 Peter 2:13).

The Danger of Perfectionism

When Christians don’t address perfectionism in their own hearts, they harm the body of Christ and the work of evangelism. Too often, we revere perfectionists because we misunderstand the underlying sin of pride. We praise the person doing everything “right” and thus feed the perfectionist’s ego. Some people even encourage outward shows of holiness while neglecting real spiritual care.

But to build the body of Christ and reach the lost, we must live into the gospel of grace. Grace is amazing because while not a single person deserves it, Christ offers it first at salvation and then provides it every second for the rest of our lives until we can finally be with him in our new glorified, sinless bodies. While we can and should pursue excellence, our motivation to do so should stem from a motivation to glorify God and do all things as unto him (1 Corinthians 10:31). We do our best because we love him, not because we’re trying to earn his (or anyone else’s) love and approval.

Eventually, my sister quit using the overlays with my niece’s handwriting. “They weren’t worth having a meltdown over,” she told me. “I needed her to learn how to write letters, not write them perfectly.”

Like my niece, we all must learn how to live the Christian life God has called us to live in our fallen, imperfect world. We can leave the perfection up to him.