The Blessing of Daughters

As gender dysphoria skyrockets, particularly among girls,1 we need to be diligent to help them understand and value the biblical version of girlhood and womanhood.

Expectations

As both a daughter and a mother of daughters, I have made the mistakes of expecting too much of my (late) mother at times and discouraging my daughters in their womanhood by complaining about things we associate with being a woman. Does the phrase “a woman’s work is never done” ring a bell? While that may be true, is it really only true for women? As we perform tasks that are associated with womanhood—perhaps cooking and cleaning—are we portraying them as drudgery and servitude or are we acknowledging them as joyful and loving tasks that need to be performed for our family or friends? After all, we benefit from those things as well, and a Christlike attitude recognizes the fact that having food and a safe place to clean are blessings that not all have and something we should be thankful to the Lord for.

We exalt the Proverbs 31 woman yet don’t see the value of the mundane day-to-day outworking of our service to others, whether in our own home, in the church or community, or at a place of employment.

I think we may look at Proverbs 31 similarly. We’re daunted by all the things she can do rather than seeing it as helpful to have a role model and God’s goodness to have many of the same things she has to work with. It is also probably a sweeping look at things she does over a period of time rather than a single day’s agenda! While in this sinful body and world, we can’t do it all perfectly, but we can recognize and strive to do what we can joyfully as unto the Lord. We exalt the Proverbs 31 woman yet don’t see the value of the mundane day-to-day outworking of our service to others, whether in our own home, in the church or community, or at a place of employment. What’s more mundane than eating? Yet God says we can do that—and everything else—to his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31).

How Can a Biblical Worldview Help?

What young women (and men!) need to see is not weariness at the multitude of tasks that the Lord has given us the ability to do but our joyful service and loving the role we’re given and his provision. Motherhood and womanhood are often undervalued, and women can be just as guilty in making it seem that way to young eyes watching. And boys may get the wrong ideas about the value of women not just from men but from women. Let’s do better. We know that men and women were both made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). How can it not be, then, that we are equal? Yet God gave roles to each of us, and, true, Scripture teaches that women have a distinct role in marriage and in the church, but that doesn’t mean the roles they fill and perform are less valuable. Just as 1 Corinthians 12 explains, we all work together as the body of Christ.

Without getting into the “women tend to be better at X” arguments, let’s acknowledge that we all have unique gifts, talents, and interests. Not all women are interested in either watching or performing in sports. Likewise, women don’t monopolize the music industry, but they are certainly well-represented there and some, no doubt, have exceptional talent. Some men, for example, are called to sedentary jobs and some to physically demanding ones. Job titles, interests, and abilities don’t encompass maleness or femaleness. That is something God gave them at birth with expectations and guidelines on how to live it out (see Ephesians 5 and Romans 12 for some examples).

Our culture often tries to pin values on certain jobs, roles, and characteristics—but we know our culture is not the arbiter of truth: God’s Word is. Discard those notions that do not stand up to Scripture. Clearly the woman in Proverbs 31 is held in honor by her husband, her children, and society. Yet many of the things she does are the very things our culture denigrates: motherhood, serving her husband, making clothing, gardening, providing food, caring for her home, teaching, etc. And what is the one thing that is most praiseworthy that she does? Verse 30 claims that it is her fear of the Lord, which is something that is considered wise for any human.

The Bible also teaches that women fear the Lord in the same way men do; by learning his Word, repenting from sin, and walking in faith. One needs only think of Mary (Luke 10:42), whom Jesus commended for sitting at his feet while he taught (a position that would normally be associated with male disciples!). Mary the mother of Jesus clearly knew Scripture very well at an early age because her song of praise in Luke 1 echoes Hannah’s prayer of praise in 1 Samuel 2. So the most important example we will set for our daughters is in how we prioritize God’s Word in our lives.

Faith with Works

It is a joy to work together as a family, just as it’s a joy to work together in the body of Christ, accomplishing his will—even as a “toe” or an “ear.”

As believers, we can exemplify how we value both male and female biblical roles to our children and to others in the way we talk about them and the way we perform them. And this is different for every family and situation. I often talk to my daughters about how happy I am that he made me a woman with the ability to give birth and that he gave me wonderful daughters to help grow into godly women. They benefit from my having gone through what they did at their age just as sons benefit, in particular, from paternal figures, though ideally both are available and can provide helpful insight. I try not to grumble if I’ve had a long day and still need to clean the kitchen after cooking a meal. I praise my husband (not often enough, though) for his hard work in providing for us and being a faithful, loving father and husband. Speaking of mundane, I am thankful for the strength he has to help me open jars and move furniture!

It is a joy to work together as a family, just as it’s a joy to work together in the body of Christ, accomplishing his will—even as a “toe” or an “ear.” Remember that Jesus washed the disciples’ dirty feet! When Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child, it’s not just about telling the child what he or she should do, but how to think about who he or she is as his image bearer and to joyfully do what God has called him or her to do.