Combating Loneliness in an Increasingly Isolated Society

It was a lonely time. Few newly married, engaged, or dating couples were looking for a single friend to hang with, and that fact was reasonable but painful. How do you convince your married and dating friends that you’re still worth hanging out with? I soon found an answer: feed them. Married and dating people in their twenties don’t typically have much money (fun fact: we’re all now in our thirties and still don’t have much money), and a free meal is hard to turn down.

At this point, you might be thinking, “So the answer to my lonely singleness is to bribe people with food?”

Not quite.

One answer to lonely singleness is implementing a biblical practice that all believers are called to.

Hospitality

In 1 Peter 4:9, we are urged to “show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” Under the Levitical law, Israel was required to show hospitality to foreigners, remembering that they were once foreigners in Egypt (Leviticus 19:33–34). Paul listed hospitality among the required traits of elders (Titus 1:8) and of widows seeking help from the church (1 Timothy 5:10).

When I opened my home to others, I can’t say that my motives were entirely pure (I was lonely and looking for companionship), but I can say that God began changing my heart through it. Here are some things I learned:

1. Married people are lonely too. When I invited a coworker and his wife over for dinner and games, they told me that they had been praying for friends because they were lonely. As a single woman, I was confused. Their marriage was (and still is) godly and strong, yet they were lonely? Yes, because marriage isn’t an end unto itself. It’s a beautiful picture of Christ and his bride, the church, and a foretaste of eternity—rightly called the consummation event of history. But married people need the community of believers—a community of other married people and of single people whom they can edify and be edified by, encourage and be encouraged by, and enjoy life with.

2. Hospitality is more needed than ever in an increasingly digital age. With social media usage replacing and counterfeiting real relationships, the loneliness epidemic has reached such critical markers that it is now considered a public health crisis.1 It results in real detriments to health, both physical and mental, with suicides on the rise. It is the duty of believers to step into these lonely places and build communities.

   Hospitality is more needed than ever in an increasingly digital age.

   As I’ve progressed into my 30s and moved to a new state, I’ve been able to reach different demographics through church, work, and the academic field I’m a part of by simply inviting a new acquaintance out for coffee, hosting an afternoon tea for a new coworker, serving coffee at church, and taking a friend’s foster daughter out for the afternoon. There is no limit to how we can give up our time and resources to the benefit of the body of Christ, and every act is a way to share Christ’s love and grace with others.

3. Hospitality is missional. Though he had no house, Jesus practiced hospitality throughout his earthly ministry. He provided the loaves and fishes to hungry multitudes, washed the disciples’ feet, and healed the sick and maimed. But he didn’t stop there. His hospitality extended to the heart as he preached the truth of the kingdom of God and called men and women to repentance. So too must we be missional in our hospitality, not forsaking our unbelieving family, friends, and neighbors. As Rosaria Butterfield says in the so-named title of her book, “The gospel comes with a house key.”2 Opening our homes to others is the most practical and effective way of opening doors to gospel conversations.

I am still single today, but I’m no longer lonely. As I responded to God’s call to live faithfully unto him in my singleness and obey his will for all believers, he blessed me with a community of rich friendships—many of which started with a simple act of hospitality.

I no longer practice hospitality out of a yearning for companionship, though such yearning speaks to my creation as an image bearer of God who is himself relational. As one God in three persons, he himself is relational and created his image bearers to be relational from the beginning (Genesis 1:27). I do it to love others by living in community with the church and reaching unbelieving friends. It isn’t always easy, but all things done for Christ have eternal value. He can use all things to his glory and work out all things for good for those who love him.