Can a “Tomboy” Be a Biblical Woman?

There is a lot of pressure, even within Christian circles, for women to look and act a specific way—which is not inherently wrong, as God created us to be different from men. However, it’s important to differentiate the Bible’s clear teaching about womanhood from cultural expectations that can be biblical, a-biblical (i.e., the Bible doesn’t explicitly teach for or against a particular thing), or anti-biblical (i.e., the Bible specifically teaches against it). But sometimes if a girl or woman behaves in a way that is not viewed as traditional or conservative, she may receive unpleasant (and often unwelcome!) feedback, including unnecessary comments about her femininity. We are still women, but are we woman enough?

Should women wear dresses and be demure, for example? In order to answer questions like this, we have to consider biblical commands and positive examples of women in the Bible. First, it should be noted that Scripture is clear that in the home and in the church, women are to respect their husbands and male leadership (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Timothy 2–3). But in the biblical cases below, women are outside of those roles, and God commends their strength and resolve (often considered “manly” traits) in some nonfeminine roles.

Are There Tomboys in the Bible?

There are a few examples of womanhood in the Bible that provide a beautiful blend of femininity and what some would call tomboyishness. We’ll look at a few examples like Deborah, the only female judge recorded; Jael, a housewife with grit; and two sisters, Mary and Martha, who approach femininity differently.

Deborah

Deborah was a wise woman whom the people sought counsel from (Judges 4:5). Not only was she wise, she was so respected that Barak refused to go into battle without her (to his chagrin). Although most judges were men and although women did not often assume positions of leadership in the ancient world, God used Deborah, along with Barak and Jael, to deliver Israel from Sisera and the Canaanites. Today, many women will back away from leading (in correct contexts; but see 1 Timothy 2:12) for fear of looking bossy, appearing too stern, or being labeled with any of a plethora of other negative connotations associated with it.

Not only did Deborah help with leading the people of Israel through her counsel, she also provided Barak encouragement in battle. She wasn’t just a smart woman; she was an active woman. In Judges 4:14, “Deborah said to Barak, ‘Up! For this is the day in which the Lord has given Sisera into your hand. Does not the Lord go out before you?’” Deborah didn’t allow how others would view her strength and leadership ability to stifle her resolve to see the Lord’s work accomplished.

Being stern, leading (or rallying) armies, and charging into battle were “manly” traits in Deborah’s time as well as today, but she didn’t let the thought of seeming like a tomboy stop her from glorifying the Lord in her obedience. It could be said that her resolve and “manliness” were set up as a contrast to Barak to shame him.

Jael

That same account goes on to talk about Jael. Jael was a housewife, which was the traditional role of women in the time of the judges. Jael was tending to her home when a situation arose that was a little less than girly.

In Judges 4, Jael used her femininity to make Sisera feel safe. The Bible records, “And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, ‘Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.’ So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug” (Judges 4:18). Jael used her God-given uniqueness to make the enemy feel like he could rest. When he asked for water, she gave him milk. This clever hospitality made him sleepy. Then in verse 21, she did something not so girly. “But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died.”

Jael helped the cause of Israel by exhibiting some “manly” characteristics. Men go to war and do the killing, but God used a woman to gain the advantage over the king of Canaan, perhaps again to set up a contrast of the lack of valor of Sisera in seeking refuge during a battle.

Mary and Martha

Another example is found in the New Testament. Mary and Martha are often used as a warning to not get so wrapped up in service (although service is a good thing!) that we miss an important opportunity to worship the Lord; however, for our purposes, we’ll observe Mary doing something that was common among male disciples (Matthew 28:9; Mark 5:22). Luke 10:39 tells us that Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to his teachings instead of preparing a meal or cleaning the house like Martha did. Martha even got upset that Mary’s actions didn’t reflect what was traditional of the female in their culture: “She went up to him [Jesus] and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me’” (Luke 10:40). There was an expectation for Mary to behave a certain way: serving and cleaning. But the Lord gently rebuked Martha for insisting Mary conform to that stereotype: “One thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). Although Mary was participating in an activity that was traditionally male in their culture, the Lord welcomed and commended that behavior, because it was an appropriate example for fellow women disciples. His commendation also highlights the Old Testament instruction to include women in the public teaching of God’s Word (Deuteronomy 31:12).

Sometimes a traditionally male activity might be necessary for further communion within the body of Christ. Whether that looks like hosting Bible studies before or after a football game, being a godly example as the coach of your child’s soccer team, or worshipping the Lord in the beauty of creation while you rock climb, “tomboy” activities can be beneficial in furthering your relationship with the Lord, your family, and fellow believers.

Does God Say Anything About Traditionally Feminine Things?

So there are examples of women doing nontraditionally feminine things in the Bible, and the Bible doesn’t explicitly talk about what exactly it is that makes one look feminine. The closest we get to a command for women to look feminine is the prohibition on anyone wearing the clothes of the opposite sex (Deuteronomy 22:5), and 1 Timothy 2:9 says, “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.” Additionally, 1 Peter 3:3–4 provides a very good rule of thumb: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.” This verse might seem like a commandment against wearing fine clothing, makeup, and jewelry, but this verse advises against making that a priority. Proverbs 31 says of the virtuous woman, “Strength and dignity are her clothing.”

Our priority as biblical women should be making our internal nature beautiful, not our external.

Our priority as biblical women should be making our internal nature beautiful, not our external. Before judging someone else for not wearing pink ruffles, makeup, or earrings, remember that God is not tied up in what we look like but in how we honor him, how we treat those around us, and whether we’re obeying his commands.

The tomboy in your life might not care about shopping or getting her nails done, but if she is striving to glorify God with her actions and attitude, that is what is important.

Tomboys Are Women!

It is important to note that liking stereotypically male things or participating in stereotypically male activities does not make a woman less of a woman! Mary was not wanting to be a man just because she sat at Jesus’ feet, nor did Jael become one when she pounded the tent stake through Sisera’s skull. On the other side of things, Jacob was not less of a man just because he liked the stereotypically feminine role of cooking and staying near the tent.

Whether someone is a man or woman is determined at fertilization when the new human being receives either XX chromosomes (meaning she is a female) or XY (meaning he is a male).1 Both men and women express their maleness and femaleness in different ways that may or may not fit the cultural stereotypes of masculinity or femininity, but only recently would that cause anyone to think they had “been born in the wrong body.”

In the End

It can be scary when our daughters or other female friends and relatives exhibit nonfeminine characteristics. You may feel pressure from church members, social media, or other females to try to change them into the ideal girly girl who exhibits all the “right” characteristics. Granted, sudden changes in how a girl wants to express herself should evoke conversations about what godly womanhood is and her sources of influence.

But just as some women choose traditionally feminine pastimes, clothing, or have a meek and quiet nature, God also allows for women to exhibit strength, leadership, and boldness. Young women and men today need to understand that the things society is telling them about what is feminine and what is masculine are boxes that don’t contain truth. God’s Word is truth, and his people can help them make wise choices regarding how they can live out God’s plan for themselves as men and women.