Nothing Undone—Asking for More Time

Unable to sleep, I lifted my phone, typed in the words multiple myeloma prognosis, and read the search engine’s top answer.

I cried out to the Lord, grieving what I might have to leave undone.

The shock swept over me. I was 55, the mom of 24- and 12-year-old daughters. I’d been my older daughter’s biggest advocate in trying to find healing for her fibromyalgia. Would I see her get better? Could I even help her anymore? Would I see my younger daughter graduate? How hard would it be for my husband to raise two daughters alone? I wasn’t finished being a wife, mom, sister, friend. Inaudibly, I cried out to the Lord, grieving what I might have to leave undone.

In those crushing pre-dawn hours of anguish alone in my hospital room, I recalled a similar situation in Scripture: Hezekiah’s weeping and prayer. In the darkness, I opened my Bible app and read the account.

In those days Hezekiah became sick and was at the point of death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him and said to him, “Thus says the Lord, ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die; you shall not recover.’” Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, saying, “Now, O Lord, please remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly. (2 Kings 20:1–3)

Hezekiah had been a good and faithful king. As 2 Kings 18:5 says, “He trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel, so that there was none like him among all the kings of Judah after him, nor among those who were before him.” At that moment, I felt a similar confidence to boldly make my request known to God, knowing that, despite our sinfulness, the Lord loves his children and has given us access through Jesus Christ to make our petitions.

So I asked for more time to finish the things I’d lamented earlier. And after making my request, I felt a peace, particularly when I read the next verses:

I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD. And I will add to your days fifteen years. (2 Kings 20:5–6)

Fifteen years, I thought. That would make a big difference.

With my spirit calmer, I continued reading about how Hezekiah spent his extra 15 years. My heart sank. This king foolishly showed off his storehouses to spies and set the stage for a plundering disaster in which all of Judah’s riches would be carried away and his own sons captured to serve as eunuchs in Babylon. Upon hearing of this future devastation, Hezekiah said, “Will there not be peace and truth at least in my days?” (2 Kings 20:19, NKJV).

It seemed that, even after receiving such mercy, King Hezekiah had somehow become unconcerned with what would happen after he was gone—even when he was the one who would cause the calamity.

As the sky brightened outside my twelfth-floor window, I followed up my first prayer by asking for help to use any extra time wisely and not lay the groundwork for the undoing of any good that God might allow me to be a part of in my remaining years—however many they might be.

The overall five-year survival rate for people with multiple myeloma in the United States is 60%.

Since those prayers, my oncologist told me that much info about the disease on the internet is based on outdated studies. The current treatment for MM uses genetic typing and newer, more specific drugs to target cancer cells. If the updated prognosis holds true, I’ll not only get 15 years, as what was promised to Hezekiah, but maybe even 20 or more.

A Deathly Diagnosis

As thankful as I am for the lengthened prognosis, I recall that we are all diagnosed with a terminal illness: the effects of Adam’s sin at work in us, which leads to both spiritual and physical death (Genesis 2:17; Romans 6:23). None of us is ever more than a second from eternity. Nothing really changed simply because I had the name of the disease that might take my life. We live in the reality that only God truly knows our days (Psalm 139:16).

But unlike us, Jesus knew the exact day, hour, moment he would die—and the horrors of how. In the days leading to his crucifixion, he showed us how to live so close to death. John 13:1 tells us, “When Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.”

He served his disciples by washing their feet (John 13). He promised to send the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort his followers (John 14, 16). He shared truth about his Father, exhorting those he loved to love and serve one another (John 15). He prayed for his people—even you and me today (John 17). He took care of his family (John 19:26–27). He finished his race (John 19:30).

Keeping the Promise

Facing my mortality has reminded me to follow Christ’s example rather than Hezekiah’s as I spend my “extra time.” I am more intentional now about many things. For example, my husband and I finally got our wills and other end-of-life paperwork in order. I am stepping up efforts to pursue new treatment options for my daughter’s fibromyalgia. I have written out some musical choices and Scripture passages for my funeral service. I’m also making a point to pray more, to not be as distracted by temporal things, to be more aware of others’ needs, and to love more. I tend to better appreciate the seemingly mundane things, such as the smell of coffee, good fruit in winter, the beauty of snowflakes, or the majesty of a sunrise—I’m seeing a lot more of those lately.

I’m also learning not to worry excessively about those I leave behind, especially if they belong to Christ, as, thankfully, my family does. I can strive to put my loved ones on solid ground while trusting my Creator’s timing and providence for them both now and when I’m no longer here.

Finishing Well

Most people will be touched by cancer, in themselves or a loved one, at some point. And all of us will experience death. It’s important to remember that God did not create the world this way. Scripture tells how a perfect world was ruined by Adam’s rebellion against his Creator. But Scripture also tells us that God’s Son, Jesus, subjected himself to our cursed world and suffered death to conquer it once and for all. When we turn from our sins and receive his salvation, he restores the broken relationship with our holy God, providing us with eternal life. Though my physical body will continue to work against me, Jesus’ finished work on the cross has taken care of the much worse spiritual sin problem that would have separated me from him for eternity.

Jesus not only conquered death, but he also taught us how to live in light of it. Hezekiah tragically illustrated how to waste our allotted time by not caring about future generations. But Jesus offered us a perfect example of how to finish the race, taking care of things on earth and leaving his people prepared and cared for. I am praying that, like my Savior, I finish my race well.