Phylicia Masonheimer: The Sexual Struggle of Single Christian Girls

I first met Phylicia a few years ago when she visited the Creation Museum with her family. We had about an hour to chat and I knew at the end of our conversation that I needed to have her speak at one our women’s conferences. I was so glad that next year’s theme was such a perfect fit for her. Phylicia blogs at Driven Women and is the author of Christian Cosmo. She’s tackling a very important topic that pertains specifically to the single woman. Phylicia shares some of her testimony and why this topic is so dear to her.

I was only twelve when I discovered it at a garage sale: A book without a cover, perhaps a Boxcar Children or a Nancy Drew? I opened it in the middle, hoping to find a good story. Instead I found a sex scene described in graphic detail—terms I barely understood, but was ashamed to read. I learned about sex in shame—and spent the next ten years battling sexual sin.

I was a homeschooled, Christian girl with excellent parents. They could not have prevented my discovery of that book if they had tried; we already didn’t have internet or cable TV. I was victim to a depraved culture and my own curiosity. But do you know what would have helped me? To know about sex from a biblical perspective as early as possible, and to celebrate God’s design before marriage was even on the table.

As I’ve counseled dozens of young Christian women through sexual addiction, I see the same themes emerge: Sexuality was learned in a negative context, and they had no biblical framework to correct it. Instead of reframing sex to echo God’s heart, these girls were given more rules to prevent sexual sin. And even if extramarital sex, pornography, and sexual perversion was prevented, these young women enter marriage full of fear and shame. Their sexual relationships with their husbands struggle. They are shamed by their own sexuality in a way God never intended.

So they remain silent. Christian women are struggling sexually—and are terrified to talk about it. A man’s struggle with visual and sexual sins is openly known and addressed by the church, but for women, this battle is presented as abnormal. God’s heart for marriage to be honored (Hebrews 13:4) begins long before vows are said; it begins in the hearts of future wives. It begins in women who, if they knew how beautiful their God-designed sexuality was, would walk in freedom instead of in shame.

Freedom is available in Christ. It is available through the redemption of Jesus, who does not weigh sins, but cleanses all people who come to him to be renewed. The sexual struggles, shame, and sins of women—single and married—can be completely removed by the power of God through his Word, prayer, and learning to reframe sexuality according to God’s actual design.

God’s heart for our girls is sexual freedom—not freedom the way the world defines it, but freedom to live on the other side of shame. Freedom to be at peace with your own sexuality, not living in bondage to it. Jesus is an overcoming Savior for every part of your life: personal, spiritual, and sexual.

I’m really glad that Phylicia isn’t afraid to talk about sexuality because I believe the only way we can start a reformation (and a sorely needed one in our current culture) is if we “frame” sexuality with God’s Word, making it our starting point, and teach that to the next generation.

Register today to take advantage of the early bird special (ends February 1, 2019) and receive a complete video download of one of our previous women’s conferences, Embrace.

Keep fighting the good fight of the faith!