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Characters: Mr. Peterson (park director), Gabe and Cody (show hosts), Millard Grover (industrial spy), Mabel Magoo (park guest), Miss Ryan (administrative assistant), Victoria Hathaway (TV network executive).
(Scene begins with The Extreme Team logo slide on screen and GABE and CODY on stage, front and center, ready to begin the final segment of their show. Near CODY is a large “dung pile” and a box with a dung beetle costume in it.)
ANNOUNCER (1): (pre-recorded voice) “And now, back to The Extreme Team!”
CODY: Okay, we’re coming to the end of our top ten list of weird and wacky wildlife. (Top Ten List #2 slide appears on screen) Now for number 2! (as he begins to put the dung beetle costume on)
GABE: Well, this one is really amazing! Believe it or not, there’s actually a bug that takes fresh animal dung . . .
CODY: You know, manure? (grimaces, pinches his nose as a Cow Moo [sfx] is heard)
(GABE clears his throat and gives CODY a dirty look for interrupting.)
GABE: Where was I?
CODY: Fresh animal dung.
GABE: Oh yes . . . this bug takes fresh animal dung, forms it into a ball and then buries it in the ground.
(Dung Beetle slide #1 appears on screen.)
GABE: It’s called a Dung Beetle, and this little “pooper scooper” eats almost nothing but animal droppings!
CODY: (now pretending to be a dung beetle) Yum!
GABE: With an incredible sense of smell these bugs can sniff a fresh pile of dung from far away . . .
(CODY sniffs the air then “spreads his wings” and takes off for the “pile of dung.”)
GABE: . . . and be there before it even cools down.
CODY: Oh, goody . . . it’s still warm!
(Dung Beetle slide #2 appears on screen as CODY quickly goes to work on the “pile of dung” then returns to GABE’S side with a “dung ball” under his arm. The “pile of dung” is gone.)
GABE: Then they go to work, forming little balls of dung and burying them until, lo and behold, the pile is gone! Now, you may think that’s disgusting, but these little bugs are incredibly cool because they get rid of animal waste and fertilize the soil at the same time!
(CODY smiles, nods his head, and flexes his bicep.)
GABE: Nice dung ball.
GABE: I’m so thankful that God made these bugs (as he puts his arm around CODY), and you should be too, because if we didn’t have them, the world would be very different right now.
CODY: Yeah . . . there’d be a lot more flies (a Swarm of Flies [sfx] is heard as they swat the flies with their hands) . . . and nowhere to walk!
GABE: The Dung Beetle. Now there’s some evidence for our Creator!
CODY: (as he removes his dung beetle costume) Yes, but always remember . . . the BEST evidence is God’s Word! And the Bible says, “In the beginning, GOD created the heavens and the earth.” So, don’t EVER believe the nonsense that all this just happened by chance, because that’s impossible!
GABE: That’s right. No matter what you hear at school or the zoo or at some museum, just remember . . . if it disagrees with the Bible . . . (a Buzzer [sfx] is heard) . . . IT’S WRONG! In fact, we like to tell people . . .
GABE and CODY: “If the Bible says it, that settles it!” (Create hand motions to go with this phrase.)
CODY: Okay, now it’s time to reveal the last of our top ten list of weird and wacky wildlife (Top Ten List #1 slide appears on screen). Are you ready for number one?!
GABE: Well, this one is waaay cool! Whenever it’s in danger, it protects itself by imitating other creatures! Not only can it change its skin color in a matter of seconds . . . but, believe it or not, . . . it can actually copycat up to fifteen different animals!
CODY: (he copycats GABE) It can actually copycat up to fifteen different animals!
GABE: (to CODY, discreetly) I just said that.
CODY: I just said that.
GABE: (discreetly) Are you copycatting me??
CODY: Are you copycatting me??
GABE: (frustrated) Boy . . . this is really mature.
CODY: (amused) Boy . . . this is really mature.
GABE: (embarrassed, he tries to move things along) Okay, Cody . . . good joke! (as he claps) Now . . . let’s tell them what the animal is!
CODY: Okay, Cody . . . good joke!—(GABE cuts CODY off).
GABE: (GABE grabs CODY and turns him around as they huddle with their backs to the audience) Would you cool it! Adventure TV could be here! Did you think of that?!
(CODY starts to whimper and cry. Then GABE rolls his eyes in frustration and apologizes.)
GABE: I’m sorry, Cody. I didn’t mean to upset you. Will you forgive me?
CODY: (hesitates, then pops his head up with a big grin) Just kidding! (then proceeds with the show as it was part of the act) Okay, everybody . . . and now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Our Number One weird and wacky creature is . . .
(Funny slide #1 of MR. PETERSON appears on screen.)
CODY and GABE: MR. PETERSON??!!
CODY: (flustered) Uh, . . . next slide, please!
(As Funny slide #2 of MR. PETERSON comes up, the actual MR. PETERSON enters after hearing his name called out. MISS RYAN follows close behind, carrying an IncrediKid Medal.)
CODY: No, no! The Mimic Octopus slide!! (to GABE) Oh, no . . . it’s Peterson!
GABE: (flustered) Just cut the slides! (to the audience) Sorry, folks . . . technical difficulties.
MR. PETERSON: (to GABE and CODY) What’s going on??
CODY: (thinking quickly) And here he is! Everybody put your hands together for our director, Mr. Peterson! (to MR. PETERSON) It’s all yours, sir.
(GABE and CODY clap as they give the stage to MR. PETERSON. Then they exit discreetly.)
MR. PETERSON: (a little confused at first) Thank you! Thank you very much. You’re very kind. Well . . . ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls . . . we have an important announcement to make. At the beginning of each week, we conduct a random drawing to award one child a whole host of free food and prizes, including a three-day VIP pass to IncrediWorld. We call it the IncrediKid Contest . . . and the time has come to announce this week’s winner! Drum roll, please! (a Drum Roll [sfx] is heard.) Okay, Johnny, take it away!
ANNOUNCER (2): (pre-recorded voice) Thank you, Mr. Peterson. Would Mabel Magoo please come on down! You’re the winner of this week’s IncrediKid Contest!
(No response . . . a Crickets Chirping [sfx] is heard.)
MR. PETERSON: Uh . . . Johnny, try it again. Maybe she didn’t hear you.
ANNOUNCER (3): (pre-recorded voice) Okay, one more time. Mabel Magoo . . . it’s time to come on down! You’re the winner of this week’s IncrediKid Contest!
(Suddenly MABEL appears at the rear of the auditorium.)
MABEL: Did he say, Mabel Magoo?!
MR. PETERSON: (puzzled) Uh . . . yes, that’s right.
MABEL: Whoo-wee!! That’s me!! (as she runs toward the stage)
MR. PETERSON: (to MISS RYAN) This has to be a mistake.
(MABEL runs up onto the stage toward MR. PETERSON. Then MISS RYAN slips an IncrediKid Medal over her head.)
MABEL: (excited) I won! I really won! I can’t believe it!
MR. PETERSON: Yes, this is . . . uh . . . quite a shock.
MABEL: Oh no, sonny . . . this is a dress. My smock is at home. I wouldn’t dream of wearing that old thing in public!
MR. PETERSON: No, no . . . I said “shock,” not “smock.”
MABEL: Wait. I can’t hear you. (as she turns up her hearing aid and a Hearing Aid Squeal [sfx] is heard) There . . . now try again.
MR. PETERSON: (a bit louder and slower) I’m sorry. I didn’t say “smock” . . . I said, this is quite a shock.
MABEL: Oh . . . well, I’ll say it is. I’ve never won anything in my life! And now imagine this . . . at my age. They’re never going to believe this down at the senior center. Go ahead . . . guess how old I am.
MR. PETERSON: (embarrassed) Well . . . I wouldn’t know.
MABEL: Awe, c’mon. Don’t be bashful.
MR. PETERSON: No, really, ma-am, I couldn’t.
MABEL: Just had my 80th birthday last Tuesday.
MR. PETERSON: Really . . . eighty years old?
MABEL: Yep. You know birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live! Oh . . . and guess what I did to celebrate? I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet!
MR. PETERSON: (astonished) You . . . went skydiving?
MABEL: Yessiree! It was number twenty-seven on my bucket list! Now I have to admit it gave me the heebie jeebies at first, but then I asked myself, “Now, Mabel . . . what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Well, let me tell you . . . THAT was not the right question to ask!
MR. PETERSON: Yes . . . I can see that.
MABEL: Which reminds me . . . you know what they say about skydiving?
MR. PETERSON: No, what do they say?
MABEL: “If at first you don’t succeed . . . skydiving’s not for you!”
MR. PETERSON: (half-hearted laugh) We’ll try to keep that in mind.
MABEL: Oh, and remember, it’s not the fall that kills you . . . it’s that sudden stop at the end!
MR. PETERSON: Well . . . we’re just delighted that Mrs . . . uh . . .
MABEL: It’s Magoo. But please . . . call me, Mabel.
MR. PETERSON: (flustered) Well . . . we’re just delighted that . . . Mabel . . . has won our contest this week. We really are. So . . . that just about wraps up our show for today. Thank you all for being here and, as always, we hope that you enjoy the rest of your day at IncrediWorld!
(As The Extreme Team Theme Song is played, MABEL waves to the crowd while MR. PETERSON wipes his forehead with a handkerchief. He’s thankful that it’s over.)
MISS RYAN: Congratulations, Mabel. I’m so happy for you.
MABEL: Thank you so much! Like I said before, I’ve never won anything . . . not in my whole life! (to MR. PETERSON) So when do we get to ride that new rolly coaster?
MR. PETERSON: Rolly . . . coaster? Uh . . . soon, but first, would you mind having a seat over there? (as he points to a small bench near the stage left end panel) I need to speak with my assistant for a moment.
MABEL: Oh, I don’t mind. You go right ahead, young man, with whatever you need to do. I’ll just catch up on some knitting.
MR. PETERSON: Thank you.
(As MABEL walks over to the bench and sits down to knit, MILLARD pops his head out from behind the set. He’s delighted with how well his pranks are going.)
MR. PETERSON: That was so awkward! Boy, are we going to get the complaints! How on earth did her name get in the IncrediKid Contest drawing? It’s supposed to be for kids!
MISS RYAN: I have no idea, Mr. Peterson, but I’ll look into it right away.
MR. PETERSON: What are we going to do?
MISS RYAN: Well . . . we’ll just have to honor the award this time, and hope it never happens again.
MR. PETERSON: You mean, make SURE it never happens again!
MISS RYAN: Oh, but look at her . . . she’s so cute. (as MABEL gives her a little wave and she waves back). Maybe this will be a good thing, after all.
MR. PETERSON: (skeptical) We’ll see.
(MR. PETERSON and MISS RYAN walk over to where MABEL is seated, continuing to knit.)
MR. PETERSON: Mrs. Magoo . . .
MABEL: Uh, uh, uh . . . (as she waves her index finger)
MR. PETERSON: I mean, Mabel . . . the first thing we need to do is take you over to the office and fill out some forms. Do you have anyone else with you? Husband, friends, family members?
MABEL: No, it’s just little ‘ole me. I tried to get my friend, Edna, to come with me, but her arthritis was acting up today. It’s just as well, though. She won’t go on the big rides with me. Going upside down makes her sick. Now isn’t that sad?
MISS RYAN: Well, I’m sure we can find someone to go with you on the big rides. Isn’t that right, Mr. Peterson?
MR. PETERSON: (half-hearted) Well . . . yes, of course.
MABEL: Oh, you people are so nice! When I get home, I’m going to make you some of my zucchini nut bread! (as she starts to put away her knitting)
MR. PETERSON: Oh, well . . . really . . . that’s not necessary.
MISS RYAN: Wow, that’s a nice long scarf you’ve got there.
MABEL: It was supposed to be a pot holder, but I can’t remember how to stop. Oh, but who cares . . . I can’t stand knitting anyway! I’m ready for some real fun!
MISS RYAN: Well, you’ve come to the right place!
(As MR. PETERSON, MISS RYAN, and MABEL exit the stage toward the IncrediWorld Offices, MILLARD, in his sweep staff uniform, enters the stage with a leaf blower. As he leisurely prepares to clean the stage, VICTORIA enters from the rear of the auditorium and walks toward the stage. She has an appointment with MR. PETERSON.)
VICTORIA: Excuse me. Is this the IncrediWorld Stage?
MILLARD: Yes, but there won’t be another show until tomorrow. Sorry, you missed it.
VICTORIA: Oh, that’s okay. I’m not here to see a show. I’m supposed to meet Mr. Peterson here at five o’clock.
MILLARD: (he quickly realizes she’s from Adventure TV, so he tries to convince her to leave) Oh . . . really? An important meeting, huh? Well . . . uh . . . I think he forgot because I just saw him leave.
VICTORIA: Oh, I’m sure he’ll be back. I just talked with him this morning. It’s all arranged.
MILLARD: Well . . . I don’t know. He can be pretty forgetful sometimes.
VICTORIA: It’ll be fine. I’ll just wait for him, if that’s okay with you.
MILLARD: (frustrated that she isn’t leaving) Sure, go ahead . . . do what you want. I just hate to see you waste your time, that’s all.
(MILLARD turns on the leaf blower and proceeds to clean the stage, until he gets an idea. He decides to get rid of VICTORIA by using the leaf blower. As she is setting out some papers, he pretends to lose control, blowing her hair and her papers everywhere.)
VICTORIA: (shocked) Stop!! Stop!! What are you doing?!! (as she chases her papers)
MILLARD: (pretends to be upset) Oh, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what happened. It just . . . went berserk! And . . . . I couldn’t control it!
VICTORIA: (frustrated) That’s okay. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do it.
MILLARD: That’s right. I didn’t mean to do it.
VICTORIA: (flustered, she looks at her watch) You know . . . I think I’m going to re-schedule our meeting. Here’s my card. (as she hands MILLARD her business card) Would you please give it to Mr. Peterson and tell him to call me?
MILLARD: Sure . . . I’ll be happy to.
(VICTORIA starts to walk away.)
MILLARD: (he calls out to her) Oh . . . and, uh . . . please don’t tell Mr. Peterson about what happened. I really need this job!
VICTORIA: Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.
(As VICTORIA exits, MILLARD tears up the business card, drops the pieces on the floor and then blows them away. Then he exits backstage as MR. PETERSON enters from the IncrediWorld Offices and hurries to the stage.)
MR. PETERSON: (frustrated with himself, he looks at his watch) Oh, great! I can’t believe it! I missed her!