God’s Word Defines Marriage: Our Conversation with Avery Foley

In what ways is biblical marriage under attack today, and how do we deal with these attacks?

God’s design for marriage is simple—one man for one woman for life. That simplicity has slowly eroded, beginning with the acceptance of ideas such as no-fault divorce, pornography, and cohabitation. This erosion has dramatically sped up in the past few years, and there’s no sign that this attack on God’s design is slowing down.

Many Christians are at a loss as to how to deal with such brazen attacks on God’s truth and biological reality. But we are called to go and make disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey Christ and his Word (Matthew 28:19). The issues we must address may change as culture shifts, but the main focus always should be the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s the message of his death, resurrection, and free gift of eternal life that saves people from the penalty of their sin.

What areas are affected by deviating from the biblical definition of marriage?

God’s design of the family unit—the first institution God created—is fundamental to his design for our world. Without the biblical definition of marriage, and by extension family, we will see more broken homes, more abortions, more sexual abuse, children who irreversibly damage their bodies with hormones and surgeries, and the list goes on. Brokenness and pain are always the consequences of turning your back on God’s “very good” design.

Is homosexual “marriage” a civil rights issue or a moral issue?

Our culture today wants to paint homosexual “marriage” as a civil rights issue, but it is not. We’re not dealing with an issue that is immutable, such as skin shade or gender (and yes, gender/biological sex is immutable). Such things reflect how God has fearfully and wonderfully designed someone. Rather, we’re dealing with a moral issue. Do we have the right to define marriage, and is any union a marriage? God’s Word unequivocally says no to both of those questions.

What are the best verses for graciously and truthfully addressing homosexuality?

Verses about the gospel! But if we do not call sin what it is, we cannot boldly preach the message that everyone needs to hear—that forgiveness and redemption are found in Christ. I like to refer to 1 Corinthians 6:9–10:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

As 1 Corinthians points out, homosexuality is a sin that will keep people from inheriting the kingdom of God. If that’s a sticking point for someone, we can graciously explain what the Bible teaches about marriage and keep coming back to the gospel message.

How should a Christian answer another Christian who says that God approves of homosexuality?

Try to get to the heart of why they believe this. Do they view Scripture as God’s infallible Word or just a fallible book of stories? Have they been led astray by false teaching? Do they know or love someone who is a homosexual? Often, people are convinced by their emotions and try to mold truth to fit what they want to be true. Once you know their motivation, you can better address what they believe about God’s Word and why.

Regarding this heated issue, how can we as believers follow Scripture’s command to “give an answer with gentleness and respect?”

We must enter any discussion with the right motives. It should never be about winning an argument, being right, or even winning the other person to our side. Rather, it should be about proclaiming Christ and his gospel. We should pray that God would save the other person from their sin and grant them eternal life. When we’re focused on their lost eternal soul rather than the argument, we can more easily speak with biblical “gentleness and respect.”

How can we share the gospel with homosexuals?

Build relationships with people, show them the love of Christ, and boldly speak truth. Don’t avoid addressing hot topics or sin. It’s likely they are seeking meaning, value, identity, and affirmation in all the wrong places. With kindness and in love, help them realize their sin (homosexual behavior and otherwise) and share that Jesus is the only answer.

What should Christians do if they struggle with same-sex attraction?

Fight sin. Sometimes it’s a lifelong battle, but for a true believer, sin no longer has power over us. We’ve been freed through Christ’s completed work on the cross. Ask mature believers to hold you accountable and speak encouragement into your life. Be in the Word of God and in prayer. Flee from temptation and determine to live for the glory of the one who made and loves you!

How can Christian parents equip their children to address homosexuality with a biblical worldview?

Start addressing these issues when your children are young. With my own children, I am working to lay a solid foundation we can build on later. I talk about God’s good design for marriage, emphasizing how God made my son a little boy and my daughters little girls. Marriage is precious, designed by God in the beginning.

As they grow older, we will begin discussing examples from the culture and helping them apply their biblical worldview to those issues. Don’t shy away from using examples from the world around us (in an age-appropriate way, of course) to instill biblical values and expose the pervasive lies of the enemy.