It’s Valentine’s Day but Do We Know What Love Is?

It’s the day, of course, that our culture celebrates love, particularly romantic love, with roses, boxes of chocolates, jewelry, and cards. But how can we be sure that what we’re celebrating really is love?

So What Is Love?

“Love is love,” “I’ve fallen in love,” “I’ve fallen out of love,” and similar cliches invoking “love,” are often given as justification for a behavior, a choice, or a lifestyle. But such statements are utterly meaningless if we don’t know what “love” is in the first place. Now, our culture thinks they know what love is, though the definition may change depending on whom you ask! But pop culture presents love as a specific feeling we get when we’re around a certain person, unconditional acceptance and kindness (as they define kindness) toward others, or even a strong feeling about a “fandom.” But the Bible tells us “God is love” (1 John 4:8). This means that we as humans don’t define love—God defines love by his very person. He isn’t just loving, he is love.

If we want to know what love is, we need to look first at who God is and how he showed us what love is.

If we want to know what love is, we need to look first at who God is and how he showed us what love is.

God and Love

There’s so much that could be said about love but consider just these three aspects of who God is and what that reveals about love:

1. Love acts for the good of others, expecting nothing in return. The Bible says that this is how God has loved us, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). While we were still enemies of God, dead in our trespasses and sins, Jesus came and died for us that we might be saved. And when we are saved, it’s only by his grace—we don’t do anything to save ourselves nor can we ever repay God for his great and merciful gift. But despite our helplessness, he loved us enough to die for us.

   As Christians, this is the kind of love we should reflect to a lost and dying world. We should love them enough that, while they are still sinners, we will speak the truth (the whole counsel of God) to them, urging them to repent and be saved from their sin.

2. Love is service. Love is not primarily a feeling (though God gave us feelings and we can be grateful for that!). Love is an act of service. Consider Galatians 5:13, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” We’re to use the freedom that we have in Christ to lovingly serve his people just as Jesus served us, “for even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Jesus demonstrated his love for us in his service, ultimately culminating in his sacrificial death on our behalf.

   This type of service is what is in mind in Ephesians when Paul, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, commands, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). How can a husband love his wife? By serving her sacrificially to the point of being willing to die for her.

3. Love is not a feeling, but it is an attitude. (We can’t trust our feelings because we have a sin nature that wants to master over us). Consider the words of 1 Corinthians 13 where love is very specifically defined for us:

   Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8a)

   This passage is often read at weddings and many of us know it so well we might sort of skip over it as we read. But stop and slowly read through what love is—patient, kind, not envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, insisting on its own way, irritable, resentful, or rejoicing in evil but, rather, rejoicing in the truth, believing, hoping, and enduring all things. Most of these have to do with our attitude and our heart condition, not with ever-changing feelings. This is why we can choose to love someone (such as our enemies) even when it would be impossible based on our feelings.

   It’s this 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love that God showed toward us—he is patient and kind, not wanting anyone to perish but all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). He is never envious, boastful, arrogant, or rude. He doesn’t insist on his own way but has given us agency (though there are certainly consequences for disobedience); he’s not irritable toward us or resentful but graciously forgives our sins, separating them as far from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). He never rejoices in what is evil but rather judges evil and rewards righteousness. And in his great love, he has born our very sin on himself, and his love is an everlasting love.

True love does not resemble what our culture stamps as “love.” Love is so much richer and deeper and, frankly, more difficult, than the shallow definitions of our world.

True love does not resemble what our culture stamps as “love.” Love is so much richer and deeper and, frankly, more difficult, than the shallow definitions of our world.

Atheists have to borrow from the Christian worldview to even talk about love!

This Valentine’s Day as you reflect on love and those God has called you to love—the Lord your God, your neighbor, your family, and, yes, your enemies—look to Jesus, not social media or Hollywood’s messaging, for how to do that.

Let all that you do be done in love. (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for praying,
Ken

This item was written with the assistance of AiG’s research team.