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Characters: Scuba-Man, Snorkel-Boy, Great White, Octopus, Turtle, Alex.
(Day 2 Recorded Opening)
(Just outside the Scuba-Cave, the SUPERHEROES are looking at their Deception Detector.)
SNORKEL-BOY: It’s much worse than I thought, Scuba-Man. When I scan the entire world, the Deception Detector goes berserk! Look at this! Fraud, cheating, counterfeiting, lying, dishonesty . . . I can’t stand it! Evil is everywhere!
SCUBA-MAN: It’s not surprising, Snorkel-Boy. The Master Deceiver and his evil minions have been working overtime since that first deception in the Garden of Eden.
SNORKEL-BOY: Kinda reminds me of what it must have been like in the days of Noah before the Flood when everyone’s thoughts were only evil continually. It makes me shudder to think about it! (as he shudders)
SCUBA-MAN: Yeah, that was one wicked world, all right . . . except for Noah, of course! The only person on Earth who still loved and obeyed God.
SNORKEL-BOY: Which makes me thankful for the Bible. What a gift to have The Word with us all the time so, with God’s help, we can know how to walk with God like Noah did.
SCUBA-MAN: Tis true . . . but sadly, many still choose to ignore God’s Word and go their own way . . . and so we have to keep watch and be ready.
SNORKEL BOY: Right . . . (then an alert [sfx] sounds and he looks back at the screen) Look! Something’s happening at the Grand Canyon. It’s a tour guide. I’ll open the sound port so we can hear what he’s saying.
TOUR-GUIDE: (Recorded Voice) “ . . . you see this layer of rock. This is estimated to be 330 million years old. And how do we know this? Very simple. Because each layer has what is called an index fossil . . . .”
SNORKEL-BOY: Slithering Sea Serpent, Scuba-Man! He’s using circular reasoning!
SCUBA-MAN: Precisely, Boy-Wonder! They use the fossils to date the rocks and the rocks to date the fossils. It’s one of the Enemy’s most effective tricks. This “millions of years” deception has got the whole world in a headlock! (as another alert [sfx] sounds, he notices a message on screen) Wait! What’s that?
SNORKEL-BOY: Oh, it’s just a pop-up ad. Those things are so annoying. I’ll get rid of it.
SCUBA-MAN: No, wait! It’s a distress call!
SNORKEL BOY: “HELP! I’VE FALLEN, AND I CAN’T GET UP! YOUR FRIEND, ALEX.”
SCUBA-MAN: I knew we shouldn’t have let her just wander off!
SNORKEL-BOY: But how will we find her? She could be anywhere!
(Another alert [sfx] sounds, then he notices that there’s more to the message.)
SCUBA-MAN: Wait, there’s more! “P. S. YOU CAN FIND ME AT PORPOISE COVE . . . AND PLEASE HURRY!"
SNORKEL-BOY: That’s strange. How did she know how to communicate with us? Something seems “fishy” about this, Scuba-Man.
SCUBA-MAN: Nevertheless, we shouldn’t take any chances.
SNORKEL-BOY: To the Scuba-Sub?
SCUBA-MAN: You read my mind, Boy-Wonder!
(The SUPERHEROES quickly drop what they’re doing and go straight to the Scuba-Sub which is parked close by.)
SNORKEL-BOY: (as they’re getting into the Scuba-Sub) Scuba-Man? Do you think you could just call me Snorkel-Boy from now on? I mean, really, that “Boy-Wonder” stuff . . . it’s kind of embarrassing.
SCUBA-MAN: Well, all right . . . if that’s how you feel. I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. (pause) You know, Batman used it, and I just thought . . . oh, never mind . . . c’mon, let’s go! (tries to start the Scuba-Sub and gets a dead battery sound [sfx].)
SNORKEL-BOY: Deep Sea Disaster, Scuba-Man! The battery’s dead! Now what do we do?
SCUBA-MAN: There’s only one thing to do. You get the jumper cables, and I’ll get the electric eel.
(They run as fast as they can into the Scuba-Cave. Meanwhile, GREAT WHITE and OCTOPUS emerge briefly from their hiding spot near the cave.)
OCTOPUS: Yes! Our plan is working! As soon as they get their little sub fixed, they’ll be on their way to Porpoise Cove where a little surprise will be waiting for them! Ha, ha, ha!
GREAT WHITE: And that will be the end of the simple-minded superheroes!
OCTOPUS: Then we’ll find Alex and rescue her from that BIBLE of theirs!
(Then GREAT WHITE and OCTOPUS duck away as the SUPERHEROES return with jumper cables and eel in hand.)
SNORKEL-BOY: (with the jumper cables) You know, it’s been a while since I’ve done this. Is it “Stop, Drop, and Roll?”
SCUBA-MAN: Uh . . . no. That’s what you do if you’re on fire.
SNORKEL-BOY: Oh, yeah. Here, you do it . . . I don’t trust myself. (as he gives the jumper cables to SCUBA-MAN)
SCUBA-MAN: Okay, now watch closely. (as he pretends to hook up the cables) See . . . you start with the dead battery and go positive to positive and negative to negative. Now, start the Scuba-Sub, then I’ll remove the cables.
(SNORKEL BOY quickly climbs in and starts the Scuba-Sub [sfx], then SCUBA-MAN removes the cables and gets in.)
SNORKEL-BOY: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!
SCUBA-MAN: What was that?
SNORKEL-BOY: (feeling stupid) Uh . . . forget it . . . wasn’t important.
SCUBA-MAN: TO PORPOISE COVE!
SNORKEL-BOY: TO PORPOISE COVE!
(The SUPERHEROES, in the Scuba-Sub with engine running [sfx], drive up the side aisle and out the back doors of the auditorium as GREAT WHITE and OCTOPUS come out of hiding.)
GREAT WHITE: You'd better make the call.
OCTOPUS: Right. (as she pulls out her cell phone) Hey, it’s me. The Terrible Twosome just left, so be ready.
GREAT WHITE: And tell them not to mess up this time!
OCTOPUS: And Great White says you'd better not mess up this time! (pause, then to GREAT WHITE) They said not to worry.
GREAT WHITE: Hey, it’s they that should be worried, not me. (short pause) I don’t get worried . . . I get hungry.
(TURTLE, with her messenger bag, enters at the opposite side of the stage.)
OCTOPUS: (a bit unnerved by GREAT WHITE’S hungry look) You know, I’ll think I’ll stand over here (as she moves closer to center stage, then notices TURTLE) Uh-oh . . . we’ve got company.
GREAT WHITE: Hmm . . . looks more like lunch to me.
TURTLE: Oh, hello! I didn’t know we had visitors! I’m Turtle, and I’m with the Ocean Land Welcome Committee. You’re new here, aren’t you?
OCTOPUS: (quickly makes something up) Uh . . . yeah . . . just arrived from the Gulf of Mexico.
TURTLE: Really! I’ve got family just off the coast of Florida! I absolutely love it up there. Ever been to Sea World?
OCTOPUS: No . . . can’t say that I have.
TURTLE: Well, if you ever want to go, let me know because I’ve got some great discount tickets. In the meantime, here’s a visitor information packet. (as she hands OCTOPUS a visitor packet) It’s got info about everything to see and do here in Ocean Land, including a map, a calendar of events, and money-saving coupons.
OCTOPUS: (insincere) Thanks.
TURTLE: Oh, you’re most welcome. Do you have any questions?
GREAT WHITE: Yeah . . . where can I get something to eat? I’m starving.
TURTLE: (suddenly a bit uneasy) My . . . what big . . . teeth you have!
GREAT WHITE: All the better to eat—(OCTOPUS motions to him suddenly) uh . . . nevermind.
TURTLE: (short pause) Uh . . . well . . . we have some excellent restaurants. What are you, uh . . . hungry for?
GREAT WHITE: How ‘bout . . . turtle soup? (as he steps closer to TURTLE)
TURTLE: (scared) Tur . . . tur . . . tur . . . turtle soup?? Haha . . . can I interest you in a turtle sundae, instead? A new creamery just opened around the corner, and it’s getting rave reviews.
GREAT WHITE: Hmm . . . interesting idea. I’ve never eaten dessert first, but ice cream does sound pretty good right now. I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.
(GREAT WHITE exits.)
OCTOPUS: You know . . . I don’t mean to be giving you advice, but you might want to leave before he comes back.
TURTLE: Funny . . . I was just thinking the same thing. Thanks for the tip.
OCTOPUS: Don’t mention it.
(TURTLE quickly exits, then ALEX enters from the other side of the stage.)
OCTOPUS: Now to find Alex. Oh, splendid! Here she comes now.
(ALEX “leafs through” the pages of her Bible as she slowly walks toward center stage. She doesn’t notice OCTOPUS as she finds a place to sit near the front of the Scuba-Cave.)
OCTOPUS: (remaining perfectly still) Well, hello there, Alex.
ALEX: (startled, she quickly stands up) Who said that?
OCTOPUS: I did (“unfreezes,” moves a step or two towards ALEX)
ALEX: (scared, moves back a step or two) What do you want? And how did you know my name??
OCTOPUS: (quickly thinks of an answer) Uh . . . Turtle told me. Yeah, that’s right, Turtle told me.
ALEX: You’re friends with Turtle??
OCTOPUS: Of course! We’ve been buddies for, uh . . . well . . . a long time.
ALEX: You’re not very convincing.
OCTOPUS: You know, Alex . . . (as she steps closer) I’d really like to be your friend.
ALEX: (ALEX steps back) I don’t know. I’ve never been friends with an Octopus before. And besides, I’m not so sure that I trust you.
OCTOPUS: (very assuring) Oh, you can trust me.
ALEX: (uneasy, gets an idea) You, know . . . I think I should go find Turtle.
OCTOPUS: Oh no, you shouldn’t do that . . . I mean . . . (stalling) especially at a time like this.
ALEX: A time like what?
OCTOPUS: (making it up as she goes) Well . . . um . . . it’s . . . it’s Shell Inspection Season. Didn’t you know that?
ALEX: Shell Inspection Season??
OCTOPUS: Why, yes. Every year at this time all the turtles in the whole world are frantically getting ready to go to a certain place far, far away to have their shells inspected. Didn’t you watch Finding Nemo?
OCTOPUS: Well, where did you think all those turtles were going?? Now listen, Alex. We’re wasting precious time when we could be getting to know each other. (notices ALEX’S Bible) What’s that book you have?
ALEX: This? (holds it up) It’s the Bible.
OCTOPUS: Scuba-Man gave it to you, didn’t he?
ALEX: (surprised) Yeah, how’d you know?
OCTOPUS: Oh, he gives those out to everyone. Says it’s a guidebook or something. I don’t know what the big deal is. I surely wouldn’t want one if I were you.
ALEX: (curious) Really, why not?
OCTOPUS: Simple. You just don’t need it, girl! You’ve got common sense don’t you??
ALEX: Well, yeah . . . I guess.
OCTOPUS: And if you don’t know something, all you have to do is find someone who does . . . like me! (OCTOPUS puts arm around ALEX’S shoulders) I can tell you anything you need to know.
ALEX: You can?
OCTOPUS: Absolutely. Here . . . let me get rid of this for you (as she takes the Bible from ALEX’S hand). You know what, Alex . . . I think we’re going to be really, really good friends.
(Suddenly, the Scuba-Sub [sfx] is heard in the distance. The SUPERHEROES are returning from their “wild goose chase.”)
ALEX: What’s that sound??
OCTOPUS: (quickly becomes alarmed) What?! It couldn’t be!
ALEX: What’s wrong?
OCTOPUS: Uh . . . you know . . . I . . . I . . . just forgot. I have a . . . a manicure this afternoon, and I’m late. Sorry, Alex, we’ll have to do it another time.
(OCTOPUS drops ALEX’S Bible and runs off stage.)
ALEX: But, wait! When will you come back?? (pause) That was strange.
(Suddenly the SUPERHEROES, in the Scuba-Sub, burst into the Auditorium through the rear doors and proceed down the side aisle toward the stage. ALEX sees them coming and is fascinated by their vehicle.)
ALEX: (walks over to see the Scuba-Sub) Wow! Now THAT is awesome!
SNORKEL-BOY: (as he powers down the Scuba-Sub [sfx]) This? Oh, yeah . . . it’s a Z007GTX Turbo with power-everything, cruise-control, navigation, back-up camera . . . you know, the whole package.
SCUBA-MAN: Except Wi-Fi. That was an add-on.
ALEX: Could you take me for a ride?
SCUBA-MAN: Well, I don’t know, Alex. We don’t usually . . . .
(Suddenly the SUPERHEROES realize simultaneously who they’re talking to.)
SCUBA-MAN AND SNORKEL-BOY: (together) ALEX???!!
SNORKEL-BOY: Are you OK?? Are you hurt?
ALEX: (confused) Of course, I’m OK. Why wouldn’t I be??
SCUBA-MAN: You’ve had us quite worried, young lady.
SNORKEL-BOY: How’d you get back from Porpoise Cove?
ALEX: Porpoise Cove? What are you talking about?
SCUBA-MAN: You mean . . . you weren’t at Porpoise Cove?
SNORKEL-BOY: Wild underwater goose chase, Scuba-Man! I just knew there was something “fishy” going on!
SCUBA-MAN: (notices a Bible on the floor) What’s this? A Bible! Is this yours, Alex?
ALEX: Yeah . . .
SNORKEL-BOY: Why is it on the ground?
SCUBA-MAN: (as he picks it up and hands it to ALEX) Alex, I don’t think you realize how important this book is.
SNORKEL-BOY: It’s actually the very words of God.
SCUBA-MAN: That’s right. And it contains God’s plan of salvation. Something you can’t live without.
ALEX: But I’ve got common sense and . . . friends to help me when I need it.
SNORKEL-BOY: Great tidal wave of confusion, Scuba-Man! Sounds just like the Enemy! If there isn’t a dangerous deception going on here, my name isn’t Snorkel-Boy!
SCUBA-MAN: Precisely my thought, Boy-Wonder! Oops . . . sorry. (short pause) Well, anyway, we need to find out where the deception is coming from! (turns to ALEX) Alex, I’m going to insist that you stay inside the Scuba-Cave until we make sense of this. Snorkel-Boy will escort you. I’m going to run ahead and get started on the case.
(SCUBA-MAN exits into the Scuba-Cave.)
ALEX: (excited, turns to SNORKEL-BOY) Really? You mean I get to see inside the Scuba-Cave???
SNORKEL-BOY: Well, it’s not exactly what you’re thinking. You’ll be in the Protection Chamber . . . but you won’t have access to the Inner Cave.
ALEX: (disappointed) So I won’t get to see all your secret stuff?
SNORKEL-BOY: Sorry . . . (reassuring) but don’t worry, the Protection Chamber is clean and comfortable, and it comes with a deluxe Continental Breakfast!
ALEX: (sarcastic) Gee, I can hardly wait. So, how long do I have to stay in there?
SNORKEL-BOY: Only until we can detect and diffuse this dangerous deception. Really, Alex, it’s for your own safety. Try to understand. C’mon, let’s go.
ALEX: (realizing resistance is futile, she thinks up an escape plan) You know, you’re right. This is no place for a kid to be wandering around by herself. (pretends to notice shoelace is untied, bends down) Oh . . . I . . . just noticed my shoelace is untied. You go on ahead, I’ll catch up with you in a second.
SNORKEL-BOY: Well . . . okay. But hurry!
(As soon as SNORKEL-BOY disappears into the Scuba-Cave, ALEX tip-toes, then runs away. Soon SNORKEL-BOY emerges from the cave looking for ALEX.)
SNORKEL-BOY: Alex? (pause) Alex? (pause as he thinks and talks to himself) Where’d she go? Great kettle of fish! She must have run away! (he ducks into the Scuba-Cave and calls SCUBA-MAN) Scuba-Man!!
(Then SCUBA-MAN emerges from the Scuba-Cave.)
SNORKEL-BOY: Alex is gone! I can’t believe I fell for the old “my shoelace is untied” trick! She was wearing flip flops!
SCUBA-MAN: We can’t worry about that now, Boy-Wonder! . . . Sorry . . . We’ve got to find Alex before someone or something else does! You go that way (points to side aisle), and I’ll go this way (points to other side aisle). She couldn’t have gotten very far!
(SCUBA-MAN and SNORKEL BOY run out the back of the Auditorium.)
(Day 2 Recorded Closing)